I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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