I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
