ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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