just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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