My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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