he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
