Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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