I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
