Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
