as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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