Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
