You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
