is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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