i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
