On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
