happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
