i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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