Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
