Can Purell be used as lube?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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