Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
