So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
