everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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