Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
