WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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