im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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