She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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