I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
