There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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