I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
