when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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