OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
