I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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