Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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