Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
