We're like a lot better than the average bears
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
