I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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