Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize