And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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