girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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