I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
