what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
