how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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