We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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