I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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