White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
