He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I seem to have left my pride at pride
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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