Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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