I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
