Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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