SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
