Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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