omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
