You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
