I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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