Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
