If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
