Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
