Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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