she looked like the before picture.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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