once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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