Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
