I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so let's talk penis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
