we're blogging at a bar
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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