I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
