i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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