So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
