i just had sex bonerless
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
