yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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