Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
