Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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