what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
