we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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