I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
