If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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