dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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