Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
