I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
