i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
