Say something about gay babies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize